The Letter He Won't Receive
by trashmomorgana
Summary: Jane decides to write a letter to Frost and it brought out more emotions than she anticipated. SORRY NOT GOOD WITH SUMMARIES, this is my first fic! Maybe a one shot, maybe more? some mild language, like three words okay.


**Okay so obviously I don't own Rizzoli and Isles, I wish I did, but unfortunately I don't. If I did, Rizzles would've been canon back in season 1. I know that both Jane and Maura are a little bit out of character, but I don't care. It's my story! This is my first fic, so please let me know what I need to work on content wise, grammar wise, anything! I might make this a one shot or add a few more but let me know what you guys think!  
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After a ridiculously long day, Jane decided to call it a night. She looked at her watch, 11:26pm. She closed her case file and walked out of BPD. The drive home felt longer than normal. She had taken this route home every day since she's worked at BPD, but tonight it felt different. The walk to her apartment from her car felt different too, almost foreign. Whatever this feeling was, Jane didn't like it. Jane unlocked the door to her apartment, stepped in, closed it behind her and was greeted by Jo Friday. Lifting Jo into her arms, she walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer. She looked through her mail, all junk.

Jane leaned against her counter, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She went to take a sip of her beer and found that she had finished it faster than she thought. She threw that bottle into the garbage and grabbed another from the fridge. The past few weeks, Jane had begun noticed that she's begun to drink more and more, not enough to where it became a problem but enough to where she becomes buzzed every night. She took her beer and Jo to her bedroom.

When Jane entered her bedroom, she changed into her usually sleep attire; tank top and boxers. After she changed, she got this sudden feeling to write. She walked over to her desk, set her beer down and rummaged through the desk drawers to find a pen and paper. Successfully finding both, she placed them both on the desk. 'What should I write?' Jane thought. She took another swig of her beer and got an idea.

'I'll write a letter, but to who?' she thought. She picked up her pen and tapped it against the desk. After five minutes of continuous tapping and thinking, she decided that she'd write a letter to Frost. She knew that he would never see it but she thought it would be a good idea. She hesitated at first. 'Do I just start it with Dear Frost?' She went with it. She never realized how easily the words flooded the paper.

_"__Dear Frost,  
You're the best partner anyone could've have asked for. God, everyone misses you terribly. The squad, my mother, my mother was a wreck. She couldn't eat or sleep for weeks; you were like another son to her. She felt as if one of her own children died that night. She's so distraught all the time, it's heartbreaking. And Maura, oh god Maura. She wakes up every night from nightmares since that night; she wakes up in cold sweats, she trembles. I convinced her to come after seven weeks of her crying and mourning. It's been seven weeks, seven weeks. I can't believe it. I'm kind of glad she came back because I couldn't handle another day with that asshole fill in ME they assigned. You know which one I'm talking about. The one with the lisp and the funky walk? Yeah, that ass hat is here. Cavanaugh wants to assign me a new partner but I can't accept the fact that you're gone. It still hasn't hit me yet, that I will never get to see you again with your big brown eyes staring at me while you sit across from me or yours and Korsaks bickering; you guys fight like an old married couple. I'll miss that, I'll miss you're smiling face, I'll miss you a lot, okay?Well i just found out that I'm pregnant. Yes, pregnant and engaged to Casey. But I'm doubting everything about this, I wish you were here to tell me what I should do because I don't know what to do. Casey is on his way back to Afghanistan…"_

Jane paused and looked at her watch

_"… __correction, he just landed. He gave me an ultimatum. Stay here and leave him or go with him and leave everybody behind. He doesn't know about the pregnancy yet. Oh god Frost what do I do?"_

Jane pauses and begins to cry softly.

_"__I need you here to tell me what to do; you always know what to say. It's just now hitting me that I'll never see you again. I can't let you go, I don't want to move on or let go. I just can't, I know it's what you'd want me to do but I just can't I spent the last five years with you and knowing that in a flash you were gone I can't believe it. I miss the way you would make me smile when a case got tough to the point where I would be absolutely pissed off at everyone and everything. I miss your smile. I know that's the absolute corniest thing I've probably ever said but it's true. Your smile was so contagious, even when times got tough you always had a smile on your face. God I miss that so much. There's a quote that I read the other day that reminded me of you. It goes something like this. 'Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same.' I know you'll never get the chance to read this letter but I want you to know that I love you Barry Frost. Dammit Frost I never got the chance to tell you and now I'll never get that chance. I'm so sorry. _

_-Jane"_

Jane put down her pen and put her head in her hands and began to sob harder. She couldn't remember the last time she had ever cried this hard. Even when Frost died she didn't cry this much. She tried to stop herself from crying but she couldn't stop. It was like something took over in her that told herself to keep crying, that she needed to let it out.

She heard a noise, almost like her front door opened, outside of her bedroom. She froze. 'Did the front door just open?' she thought. Without batting an eyelash she grabbed her weapon and looked for the origin of the noise. What she saw horrified her, confused her. Frost. Frost was dead, 'how could he be standing in my apartment?'

'Jane' she heard him call, but his lips didn't move. Then she heard it again, 'Jane' She closed her eyes forcefully, she opened them. He was gone, or so she thought. She took a step forward and then she turned around and there he was. She closed her eyes again. Suddenly she felt him grab her hand and kiss it softly. She opened her eyes again and he was staring at her with his big brown eyes. This wasn't real. She felt him pull her. Together they walked into Jane's bedroom. He walked over to the bed, drew the covers back and Jane climbed back into bed. Frost pulled the covers up to her waist. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. Her eyes slowly began to flutter and she heard her name being called again. 'Jane' but this time the voice was very faint, almost whisper-like.

'Jane' she awoke with a start. She looked around, noticed the digital clock on her nightstand. 2:47a.m. Pulling off the covers, she slipped out of bed and noticed her desk lamp still on. She walked over to her desk and found the letter. She looked completely horrified; she had forgotten that she had written it. She put the letter down, crawled back into bed and sobbed into her pillow. Jane cried well into the next morning. She went from forceful sobs to a soft whimper. Her alarm clock began to go off and she couldn't move. She felt as if she'd been paralyzed by grief and she didn't care. Jane glanced at the clock, 6:17 am, she closed her eyes. She slipped gracefully into a deep, well-needed sleep.

_Boston Police Department 8:00am_

Maura walked into the squad room and noticed that Jane wasn't at her desk.

'Where's Jane?' Maura thought, "_Detective Korsak have you seen Jane today?"_

Korsak looked up from his computer monitor and shook his head 'No' It was unusual for Jane to be late for work. Even after Frost died she was still on time. If anything, she was early now. 'Well, that's odd_'_ Maura dialed Jane's cell phone "_Hi you've reach Jane Rizzoli_…" Maura hung up and tried again, and another five times. 'maybe she's driving?' No Maura don't be stupid, Jane always answers.'

She looked at her watch: 8:05am. She sighed and sat at Jane's desk. She looked at Frost's desk; so empty, boring, lifeless. 'Soon it will be filled with an incompetent, moronic, no good son of a bitch.' Maura mentally kicked herself for thinking like that. She sighed again and decided to go through Jane's desk. The top right hand draw consisted of a backup coffee mug, a phone charger and some old files. Next, the bottom right hand drawer, there was a lock on this drawer. She searched for a key and couldn't find one. Then it occurred to her that Jane was smart and kept a key close. She went back to the top right hand drawer and noticed it was shallower than it should be. She moved her hand around and there it was. *click* the faux bottom opened. _'_why go through all this trouble to hide this key'

She unlocked the drawer and she placed her hand on a metallic item. His robot, Frost's robot. A single tear slid down her cheek and then she saw an old photo of the four of them. They were all happy and smiling, Maura missed that. 'and then there were three_'_ Maura put away the photo and the robot and quickly locked the drawer. She sat back in the chair and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. God she missed him so much, they all did. Just then Maura was called to a scene. 8:30. _'_Where the hell are you Jane?_'_ she thought.

Forty five minutes later, Maura arrived to the scene, still no Jane. Detective Korsak approached Maura with a look of worry plastered on his face.

"_Dr. Isles, is Jane with you?"_

_"__No"_

_"__This isn't like her, I'm starting to get worried."_

_"__Me too, Detective Korsak, me too." _She thought. Maura bent down to examine the body. "_Female. Mid to late 20s, gunshot wound to the abdomen. Multiple contusions around the ocular cavity, signs of sexual assault but I'll know once I get her back to the lab for processing." _She examined the body further and took some more samples and she looked at her watch once again. 10:30 a.m. Maura walked to her car and without even hesitating, she decided that her best friend was important than this body, it's not going anywhere.

Forty-five minutes went by and Maura found herself at Jane's apartment. Jane had given her an extra key after the incident with Hoyt.

'_Jane' _she called out. No answer. Maura knocked and called her name while she walked into Jane's bedroom. What she saw confused her, '_Jane?'_ She was just sitting there, lifeless, like she'd seen a ghost. Her eyes were red and puffy as if she'd been crying. Maura went into panic mode almost immediately. Jane never cried, not this much at least. Even when after Frost died and when her father left she didn't cry this much, maybe a few tears were shed. Maura sat on the bed and gently shook her. Jane turned slowly and blinked.

"_What's wrong Jane?" _she looked at her sympathetically. Jane shook her head and a single tear escaped.

"_He's gone. He's really gone." _Jane burst into heartbreaking sobs. Maura kicked off her heels and climbed into bed next to Jane, pulled her to her chest and whispered soothing words into her ear and placed soft kisses into her hair. It had been weeks since he died, Jane was bound to break at some point. Maura thought about heading back to work because she had forgotten about the body but she couldn't leave Jane, not like this. Maura looked at her wrist watch, 11:37, '_okay, I'm going to call Korsak' _

"_Jane I'll be right back, okay?" _She didn't respond, she just continued to sob uncontrollably. Maura's heart broke as she walked away to call Korsak.

"_Maura did you find Jane?"_

_"__Yes, I went to her apartment. I'm taking the rest of the day off."_

_"__What? Is everything okay?"_

_"__I don't know Vince. When I got here she just sat there with this look like she'd seen a ghost and then she just burst into heartbreaking sobs."_

_"__I hope she's okay"_

_"__Me too"_

_"__Tell her that I'm thinking about her, I send her my love. Let me know what you find out okay?"_

_"__I will, thank you." _She hung up the phone and rushed back into the same position she had been in before. Jane's sobs subsided and they were only hiccups now.

_"Jane what happened?"_

_"I… I saw him"_ she hesitated.

_"Saw who honey?"_

_"Him."_

_"Him who?"_

_"Frost"_

_"What? What do you mean you saw Frost?"_ Jane didn't respond at first and Maura asked her again. _"Jane what do you mean you saw Frost?"_

_"He was here in my apartment"_ Maura looked at her with confusion.

Jane began to explain, "_I heard my front door open and I went to look and he was just standing there, waiting. I thought I was just seeing things; I closed my eyes and thought he was gone but I turned around and there he was just standing there. He… he grabbed my hand and brought me back to my bed and he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead."_

_"Oh Jane."_ Maura chimed.

_"I know what you're thinking, he's dead and it's just a coping mechanism but Maura it felt so real."_ She started to cry again.

_"Come here."_ Maura pulled Jane into her chest and rubbed circles on her back. Maura felt tears trickle down her face as well. Jane's breathing began evening out. Maura felt her eyes get heavy, she tried to keep herself awake but she had this sudden need to pretend that the world didn't exist outside Jane's bedroom and she let unconsciousness take over.

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**Reviews, Reviews, Reviews! Please do not hold back with them. Be as brutal or as gentle as you want. xx **


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